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Six more weeks of winter, with an 80% chance of getting� doughnuts�

2005-02-25 - 9:28 a.m.

So today I saw my neighbor of one year for what I believe is the fourth time. Don�t get me wrong, this doesn�t bother me. I just find myself eerily fascinated by this woman.

Perhaps I should explain. You see when this woman moved in about a year ago, I was taken aback by the sight of her, and not in the good I have to sit down because my pants don�t fit right now kind of way. In fact I would describe it as looking at a human train wreck. You wanted too vomit at the sight, but couldn�t stop looking.

You see, she weighs about 500 lbs.

Now I understand that some of the human whales out there supposedly have actual glandular and/or genetic issues. Somehow I doubt that�s the case here, as every time I have seen her she is walking from her car in the same condition.

1. Sweating, no matter what the weather is like, or how fast she is moving.
2. Short of breath, not from purposeful exercise.
3. Wearing sweatpants (see number two).
4. Carrying at least one large bag of fast food, she seems to prefer Wendy�s.

Condition number four has forced me to give her the nickname Bigee.

The mysterious thing about this woman is that she seemingly has no source of income. I can constantly hear a TV blaring in her home, the lights seem to always be on, and she seems to have an endless supply of fast food dollars.

I�m starting to feel like a suburban Jane Goodall, constantly observing from afar. So, keep your eye out for my next National Geographic special.

Fatties in the Mist.



1 People felt the need for sassback

Stale - Fresh

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The ultimate fuck you! - 2005-11-10


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